i?

My husband has left for his 2 week trip abroad. Miss him terribly…started to think about what I really am. Some part of who I am is defined by my relationships with people around me…but if I remove all these relationships, would I still be?? I will….these relationships help to add various dimensions to me and give many colours to my personality…. I am a mother, a wife, a friend, a sister, a devotee, customer, a woman, an employer, a teacher, a student….
This means I have to be like a transparent sheet through which any colour can flow at any instant, depending on the need of the moment… open to all possibilities. Who knows what or who I can become??!! This is terribly exciting…
Is this what He is?? Free from all the relationships yet fully part of them.. is this what inter-dependence is? And what independence is?

lost someone today....no, not to death..to someone else. took the person for granted and was smug about the whole thing until today. am consoling myself with "maybe its not meant to be" and the likes...but the question remains- what could i have done that this situation is not? feel very very responsible. heard that he is happy in his chosen path, that comforts me a little. would have wanted it to be otherwise..... am letting go.....every step in life is a teacher, every person i meet is my teacher...
have to translate intentions into actions else life will pass me by......

reading reading reading......

finished brisingr by christopher paolini. its the third in the inheritance cycle. the author started off writing the series to finish with three books but couldn't finish what he wanted to say in 3 fat books. for the uneducated, this is a series on dragons and their riders and magic and relationships and everything in between. makes for quite exciting reading....

am reading ponniyin selvan now. this is absolutely thrilling. ponniyin selvan is what king raja raja chola was fondly referred to as, ponni is another name for the river kaveri and selvam means wealth, apple of the eye, etc. this story has a heady mix of successions, battles, political intrigues, romance, adventure, magic, etc.. set in the time when south India had the cheras, cholas, pandyas, pallavas, the rashtrakutas (remember school history?) i would have remembered all that stuff if i had read this book then. this is a set of five books by the very famous tamil writer kalki krishnamurthy, transliterated into english. the language is simple english, the descriptions of old towns like kanchipuam, thanjavur, etc is awesome. it is supposed to be a mix of history and the author's imagination. worth reading.

what do you give someone who already has everything? He is the richest man i know, one who has shared with everyone everything He has. What does He want in return? Nothing. How can someone be so giving and loving? Unconditionally. It is unbelievable. Its wonderful. It makes me wonder how it can be? Then I remember what He has said. "I am here to show you that it is possible." So there it is.

He rocks me while I'm sleeping, on a wave of sweet devotion.....
i'm blessed to belong!!

in the ashram

In my beautiful ashram for navratri. Its the second day of the nine, He is in silence. Even more resplendent, shining like He has the moon on His head, my Shiva. Innocent, all-knowing, utterly dispassionate, my Master. Those big beautiful eyes, that luminous smile..... still..... in meditation amidst all the cacophony of the world around....

today's satsang was great. even greater was how still in meditation He was. And how perfect His silence was....
The ashram is reverbrating with the chanting of Lalita Sahasranamam and Rudram and Chamakam, the air is crackling with energy and in the middle of all this is He, silent, perfect and beautiful. Am blessed to be here.

conditional gratitude

Satsang was a laugh riot... saw another side to me.....how wonderful it is to share joy. there were several emotional experiences being shared. was wondering how long after the experiencers would feel the same gratitude to HIM. Only when and if what they want gets done??? HE is so giving....the richest man....err....being on this planet, one who gives freely of Himself. He met over 2000 people in one day and when i met HIM, HE still had that awesome presence and that mind-blowing smile......... so free, so loving, so giving....what a man, what a man, whatta mighty good man!!!!

What is HE??
i consider myself so blessed!!!!

Awesome car@ Bhilai!!!
Anyway at satsang, this woman from Bhilai spoke about how she just escaped being crushed under a speeding car and how her family was watching the incident. The key point to note here is that her entire family, comprising of a husband, two daughters, a m-i-l, a sis-in-law, and about 2-3 more people were in one car!!!! hey!! what car is that????????

Hey or rather hay guy!!
One kid from chennai, one of my favs was on his bike on a bridge in chennai when he got knocked from behind by a bus. He fell from a height of 8 feet and would have gotten crushed under vehicles speeding under the bridge. WHat happened next was, well, from a very large perspective, scripted and directed by well, U-Know-Who. There was a truck filled with hay (??!!) waiting to catch him, and he escaped unscathed!!! i mean hey!! or rather hay!! what was that all about????

pancha tatva

Was mulling over what Sri Sri said about how each of us is made of the five elements- earth, fire, water, air and ether. Was wondering about what qualities each element brought in us. Realized that
air brings in us the strength to give unconditional love,
water, the ability to adapt to any situation,
fire, to burn away ignorance in us and the people we interact with,
earth, the urge to support and nourish, and
ether, the ability to just be....
was amazed at this.......

last nite was really fun...played carrom, giggled and laughed a lot. felt like a child again :-) had forgotten what it was like. had shed the "mommy" role. realized how seriously i was taking that role!! had forgotten what it was to not be a mommy and just be....

its time

like humphrey said, things will happen in the fullness of time, when the time is right. i guess this is the time for me to start blogging...
yay!!! i've become a blogger!!!!!