lost someone today....no, not to death..to someone else. took the person for granted and was smug about the whole thing until today. am consoling myself with "maybe its not meant to be" and the likes...but the question remains- what could i have done that this situation is not? feel very very responsible. heard that he is happy in his chosen path, that comforts me a little. would have wanted it to be otherwise..... am letting go.....every step in life is a teacher, every person i meet is my teacher...
have to translate intentions into actions else life will pass me by......

reading reading reading......

finished brisingr by christopher paolini. its the third in the inheritance cycle. the author started off writing the series to finish with three books but couldn't finish what he wanted to say in 3 fat books. for the uneducated, this is a series on dragons and their riders and magic and relationships and everything in between. makes for quite exciting reading....

am reading ponniyin selvan now. this is absolutely thrilling. ponniyin selvan is what king raja raja chola was fondly referred to as, ponni is another name for the river kaveri and selvam means wealth, apple of the eye, etc. this story has a heady mix of successions, battles, political intrigues, romance, adventure, magic, etc.. set in the time when south India had the cheras, cholas, pandyas, pallavas, the rashtrakutas (remember school history?) i would have remembered all that stuff if i had read this book then. this is a set of five books by the very famous tamil writer kalki krishnamurthy, transliterated into english. the language is simple english, the descriptions of old towns like kanchipuam, thanjavur, etc is awesome. it is supposed to be a mix of history and the author's imagination. worth reading.

what do you give someone who already has everything? He is the richest man i know, one who has shared with everyone everything He has. What does He want in return? Nothing. How can someone be so giving and loving? Unconditionally. It is unbelievable. Its wonderful. It makes me wonder how it can be? Then I remember what He has said. "I am here to show you that it is possible." So there it is.

He rocks me while I'm sleeping, on a wave of sweet devotion.....
i'm blessed to belong!!

in the ashram

In my beautiful ashram for navratri. Its the second day of the nine, He is in silence. Even more resplendent, shining like He has the moon on His head, my Shiva. Innocent, all-knowing, utterly dispassionate, my Master. Those big beautiful eyes, that luminous smile..... still..... in meditation amidst all the cacophony of the world around....

today's satsang was great. even greater was how still in meditation He was. And how perfect His silence was....
The ashram is reverbrating with the chanting of Lalita Sahasranamam and Rudram and Chamakam, the air is crackling with energy and in the middle of all this is He, silent, perfect and beautiful. Am blessed to be here.